If Crystal Palace were The Team of the Eighties (they weren’t, it was Liverpool, but let that pass), who were the Team of the Nineties?

You can have a minute if you like, but I bet you don’t need that long. I bet you’ve already got your answer. And I bet it’s Manchester United.

Wrong.

They had a good nineties, sure. But which team were utterly and completely transformed from a laughing-stock, to a team that, by the end of the decade, were holding their own with the elite of the English game and, in doing so, had a decade of virtually constant success?

Do you need another minute?

You might need longer, I admit.

Okay, I’ll tell you.

Stockport County.

No, I’m serious. And unlike Palace in the Eighties, they really were the team of the Nineties.

You want more? Okay…

Prior to 1990, County were perennial strugglers in Division 4. They’d applied for re-election on numerous occasions, and only escaped by the skin of their teeth the first year relegation to non-league was introduced. They’d finished in the bottom half of the fourth division in 15 of the previous 19 seasons, applied for re-election 4 times, and crowds had dipped as low as 1,089. Then, in April 1989 a new owner, Sheffield property developer Brendan Elwood, appointed Uruguayan Danny Bergara.

Lift-off.

1989-90
In Bergara’s first full season, County lost in the playoffs after a final day at Halifax where over 3,000 fans, including a young Daz Sampson, of Eurovision Song Contest fame, saw us come back from 1 down to win 2-1, and think, due to an incorrect rumour, that we’d been promoted. Once the realisation dawned, the deflated team lost 6-0 on aggregate to Chesterfield in the playoffs. (Here’s a fun video of the fans on that final day, starting at the point when Kenny Boxshall speaks to Daz: https://youtu.be/PbzXMxatXq4?t=145)

1990-91
After 20 years in the bottom division, County won automatic promotion with a 5-0 home win over Scunthorpe.

1991-92
County started the new season where they’d left off the last, with a 5-0 home win. This set the tone for the rest of the decade, as we got to the playoffs in a league that included Birmingham, Bolton, Stoke, West Brom, Huddersfield, Swansea, Wigan and Hull City. We beat Stoke in the playoff semis, before a heartbreaking 2-1 defeat to Peterborough at Wembley. After going one down to a goal at the Geoff Hurst end – which also didn’t cross the line – we equalised in the last minute, only for Peterborough to immediately go down the other end and score the winner. Oh yes, this was our second Wembley visit in a week – we lost to Stoke in the Autoglass Trophy a few days previously. Danny Bergara became the first foreign manager to lead out an English team at Wembley, and then did it again a week later.

1992-93
County again challenged for promotion all season, but lost to Port Vale in the playoff semis. In a weird mirror-image of the previous season, we again played a Potteries team in both the playoffs and the Autoglass final at Wembley. We also lost at Wembley. Oops.

1993-94
After running away with the league for most of the season, we fell away at the end, and again lost in the playoffs at Wembley, this time to Burnley, who had finished 12 points behind. Bergara had wound up the players so much beforehand, that we had two men sent off by David Elleray – uniquely at Wembley. We went one up and conceded two when down to nine men. On the way home, Stoke fans hung banners over the M6 saying Wembley 4 Stockport 0

1994-95
A rare season of mid-table 90s football. But was it incident-free? Oh no. manager Danny Bergara was sacked (see below) and assistant Dave Jones took over.

1995-96
County missed out on the playoffs on the last day, by failing to win at Swindon. During the season, we played Cup holders Everton in round 3, and drew 2-2 at Goodison, coming from behind twice. In the replay, we went ahead, conceded twice, equalised in the last minute only for Everton to “do a Peterborough” and immediately score the winner, leaving goalscorer Alun Armstrong in tears on the pitch.

1996-97
County’s best ever season. We got to the League Cup semi-final, beating Sheffield United 5-2 at Bramall Lane, Blackburn 1-0 at Ewood Park, West Ham in a replay (with that own goal from Iain Dowie – see below), Southampton 2-1 at The Dell, in a replay, after being behind in both games and finally losing to Middlesbrough 2-0 in front of millions live on ITV. Oh yes, and we won the second leg 1-0 at the Riverside. We also got to the 4th round of the FA Cup, the Northern Final of what was now called the Auto Windscreens Shield, and played 67 games in total on the way to promotion to the Championship for the first time since 1938.

1997-98
Jones went to Southampton, along with keeper Paul Jones and midfielder Lee Todd. Alun Armstrong went to Ipswich via Middlesbrough and scored at the San Siro and Chris Marsden went to Birmingham before also heading to Southampton and captaining them in the FA Cup final. We finished 8th in the Championship, the highest position in our history. We also beat Manchester City, 3-1 (see below)

1998-99
A season of consolidation with a 16th place finish.

1999-2000
Another season of consolidation. However, off the field… See “Manstock” below…

Okay, that’s what happened on the field. Here’s the thing, though. As hinted at above, it’s not just results that made County the Team of the Nineties (although they were impressive enough). It’s the amazing and often hilarious stuff that went on alongside the result on the pitch. Brace yourself:

  • We start where we left off, with a 5-0 home win, after which fans sing “We’re Too Sexy For the Third” after the Right Said Fred hit that was in the charts at the time. T-shirts were produced.
  • In 1995, Danny Bergara was sacked following an altercation with Chairman Elwood at a local hotel following a club function. The club worked hard to get anti-Bergara PR out, and he became known throughout football as the guy who punched his Chairman, affecting his employment prospects. It came out in his unfair dismissal tribunal, which he won, that Elwood had actually punched Bergara, and threatened to “shove his new contract up his arse”
  • At the end of the decade, the Chairman proposed moving the club to Maine Road, once City had moved out to the Commonwealth Games stadium, and renaming us – and I’m not kidding here – Man-Stock County. There were riots at a game, and Elwood had to shamefacedly back down. Once again: Man-Stock County.
  • When we were in the Championship and Dave Jones had gone to Southampton, new manager Gary Megson got into the habit of taking the mic from the announcer at half-time and addressing the fans from the middle of the pitch, explaining, during the game, why he’d had to sell players, for example, rather than giving the half time team talk in the dressing room.
  • During the Autoglass Wembley defeat to Port Vale in 1993, at 2-0 down, the fans started a chant of “Danny Bergara’s Blue and White Army” which grew louder and louder and eventually was mentioned on the Sky commentary. It was widely credited with sucking in our goal.
  • Before the second leg of the League Cup semi-final, Middlesbrough produced Wembley t-shirts. There was some local buttock-clenching going on when we took an early lead to pull the tie back to 2-1, and almost equalised late on.
  • During the replay with West Ham in 1996, Iain Dowie scored what’s widely accepted as one of the best own goals you’ll ever see: https://youtu.be/FS01YL_vDt0?t=43
  • In 1997, we beat Manchester City 3-1, scoring three goals in the first half hour, following which local residents, Coronation Street actors and City fans Kevin Kennedy (Curly Watts) and Bruce Jones (Les Battersby) are spotted leaving the home end, and captured on video: https://youtu.be/d_4YdG83vRU?t=472
  • The decade also coincided with the production of “The Tea Party”, which was widely viewed as one of the best fanzines in the country during its existence.

If that’s not the team of the Nineties, I don’t know what is. If that’s not crying out for a documentary, I don’t know what is.

I know I’m biased, but those ten years were utterly remarkable, and, amazingly, were bookended by the beginning and end of the decade itself. Seriously, the on-field stuff was amazing, but add to the mix the off-field stuff mentioned above, and it’s not only a story of incredible football success, it’s just an incredible story.

There’s even a pretty interesting coda, as we finally win at Wembley in 2008, but plummet down into part-time non-league football, before finally starting to work our way back. We’re now owned by a ridiculously wealthy local man, whose intention is to fund a run back to the Championship.

(Note: this was written as a pitch for a documentary, which is why the final couple of paras read like they do. I’ve edited it slightly to read less like a pitch, but I think you can see where I’m coming from. I still think it’d make a great doc on something like BT Sport Films. I’ve actually sent the full pitch off, but – unsurprisingly, perhaps – haven’t heard back)